if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
