kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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