wakey wakey hands off snakey
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
