I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
