i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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