Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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