you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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