Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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