Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
