Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
