remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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