She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
where are my pants?
in the oven.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
