He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
