yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
