Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
