when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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