I think I died a long time ago.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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