yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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