When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
