I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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