Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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