Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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