On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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