worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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