So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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