wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
