I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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