I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
