Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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