Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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