i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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