I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
