Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
