Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
