i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
