Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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