yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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