I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
