i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
