last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
