There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
