Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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