You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
