there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
