Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
