Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
