I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I puked a lego.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
