Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
