Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
