i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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