dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
